I’ve just come back from the UK, where I went over for my Dad’s funeral.
This time, I stayed in a hotel for the whole week. That was new. Normally, I would have stayed at the house, but my step-mum wasn’t really up to preparing it for visitors. It turned out to be a good thing.
It felt strange at first. Being nearby, but not in the family space. But for the stage of life I’m in now, it was much better.
I had my own space.
I didn’t have to think about anyone else’s routines.
I could cry when I needed to.
I could eat out where I wanted.
I could watch whatever I fancied on TV without feeling bad about it.
And, quietly, it became a bit of a test run.
This was the first time I’ve stayed alone in a hotel for that long. It is something I’ll probably be doing more of in the future as I think about solo travel. Not under ideal circumstances, obviously, but still useful information to have about myself.
The funeral itself went as well as these things can. It was good to see family, including some I hadn’t seen since my Nan’s funeral 22 years ago. That’s one of the downsides of living in another country. Distance stretches time in odd ways. If I’m honest, our family has never been especially close. There was no drama and no big emotional scenes. Just a sense of marking something together and then everyone returning to their own lives.
Before I even left for the UK, I’d had surgery related to perimenopause. Nothing dramatic, but necessary. The thickened lining of my womb was removed. I won’t go into detail here, but it is another reminder that this phase of life is active. Things need monitoring, organising, and dealing with. It isn’t glamorous, but it’s real.
So now I find myself back in France with what feels like a very open year ahead.
No big plans.
No one else to organise my life around, at least for now.
Just the dogs, a few vet visits to book, and some medical appointments for me to keep on top of.
Instead of feeling unsettling, that openness feels quietly reassuring.
I’m not rushing to fill the space. I’m noticing it.
This year feels less about doing and more about building slowly. I’ve got ideas forming. Guides I want to create. Things I know would have helped me and might help others too. I’ll keep sharing on Threads as well. Life in rural France, perimenopause, midlife, dating, although I’m not actively planning any of that this year, and whatever else feels honest in the moment.
Nothing flashy. Nothing forced.
Just showing up steadily and seeing what grows.
If you’re reading this and you’re also in an in-between season, not falling apart, not wildly thriving, just here, you’re not behind. You’re allowed to take up space in this part of the journey too.